Blow my head off out of a need to get even with life...Every time I start having a little bit of peace.there I go putting my self into harms way...My previous Blogs were out of hurt and pain..for some strange reason this Woman contacted me again and we supposedly were reconciling,even though I knew deep down inside I shouldn't have....Yesterday it came to a head when I called her,she was acting strange,she said she had company and then hung up...me like an ass called back to her voicemail and preceded to berate and belittle her in a rage..I then went to her home to commit an act of violence,the dude didn't come out so after ranting and raving like a lunatic I left.....I am now threatened with the fact that I may be killed at anytime...and you know what, I don't even care anymore...Peace World...I'm in pain right now.....
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I swear I was going to.....
Blow my head off out of a need to get even with life...Every time I start having a little bit of peace.there I go putting my self into harms way...My previous Blogs were out of hurt and pain..for some strange reason this Woman contacted me again and we supposedly were reconciling,even though I knew deep down inside I shouldn't have....Yesterday it came to a head when I called her,she was acting strange,she said she had company and then hung up...me like an ass called back to her voicemail and preceded to berate and belittle her in a rage..I then went to her home to commit an act of violence,the dude didn't come out so after ranting and raving like a lunatic I left.....I am now threatened with the fact that I may be killed at anytime...and you know what, I don't even care anymore...Peace World...I'm in pain right now.....
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Blowing your head off would not help you "get even" with life Bro. All it would be is quitting. Suicide and not caring about being killed at anytime is a dangerous state of mind to have, even if it's a temporary frame of thought. You have to consider the people in your life that love and need you. First and foremost, your daughter. Not only would the life of the Woman who made you feel this way go on. (She may mourn you for a moment but she would get on with her life) But you would also be condemning your child to a life of pain, confusion and maybe even feeling you didn't love her enough to grab life by the horns and fight back. Worse case scenario...children follow in our footsteps and she too may begin to have little regard to being alive as well. We owe it to ourselves to not only stay alive for living's sake as well as being there for those we love, but to maintain the constant pursuit of happiness that is Human Nature.
ReplyDeleteThis Woman's systemic dysfunction should not dictate whether you live or die. Life is the only option we have until God calls us home!!!
You're my friend and I care about you very much...Love You even. You're someone I can talk to about just about anything. Losing you would devestate me and many people who love you. You have a promising future and are a very talented writer. Don't ever stop caring...even if all you can do is write about it...use that gift to touch others and maybe save a life rather than throwing your own away. Remember, we all go through gut wrenching pain at certain points in our lives. We have to stay strong and press on, even if we are only hanging on by a thread...sometimes that thread is all we need to take us to the next day. God doesn't take us home when we invite ourselves...he has to call us. Sometimes it takes for God to be all we have left in order to realize He is all we need. Be strong, move on from Women who have their own long, road to recovery themselves and never allow them to lead you off your own road. You have to be alive to claim that victory over your trials. Look at all you've overcome already...even with the odds stacked against you. This battle is no different. Learn to stop putting your own life at the bottom of the list of what's important. If not for you...do it for your child. Teach her to be strong by being an example of strength yourself. Call Me!!! The Pain will subside...I Promise!!!